Malted “Milk” Shake

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours” – Kelis (Milkshake, 2003)

I had intended to do a proper post today about smoothies and how to make green ones that don’t taste like dirt but then somebody pointed out that Elle McPherson turned 50 this week (FIFTY FFS!) and so I am going to go back to bed and weep for a while instead. But before I do that I thought I would at least share one of my favourite (non-green) smoothies.  They make this at the gym I used to frequent before my back gave up the ghost and it was utterly delicious.

It is from Dr Alejandro Junger’s Clean program, who avid followers of the life and times of Gwyneth Paltrow will know as the man behind her 21 day detox program (a 2 shakes a day plus plant based lunch thing, a sort of fancy Slim Fast regime for the Hollywood classes). I suppose that when your program involves drinking 2 shakes a day for 3 weeks it is sort of imperative that you come up with tasty ones. And this really is very tasty indeed.

The original version contains protein powder, which is sort of necessary if you are drinking this as a meal replacement otherwise you will collapse on the bus. If you do want to include protein powder (I don’t bother) and want to keep this non-dairy you’d obviously have to choose a plant protein powder, rather than the more standard whey derived varieties you see in a lot of health food shops and which a frightening number of men in the City seem to keep in enormous tubs on their desks (do these things in the privacy of your own home for God’s sake). Pea and hemp proteins bring their own (quite pronounced) flavour to the party so go carefully. The Spirutein vanilla one that you can get from in small sachets from Whole Foods or online is quite good and doesn’t add any flavour beyond the vanilla.

Dr Junger’s Malted “Milk” Shake (adapted slightly)

Difficulty: Easy
Crazy Ingredient Ratio: Medium (coconut water)

This is definitely one for a blender rather than a food processor because of the dates (although you could use stevia or something else to sweeten it). The original also used coconut meat, specifically that “from a young Thai coconut” but I am guessing most of us don’t have one of those lying around. If you do (lucky you!) reduce the coconut water to 250ml.

The ground flaxseed is very good for you but definitely tips this over from tasty milkshake to something more resembling a “health” drink so maybe try without first or add half to start with unless you are a confirmed linseed lover.

To make 1, blitz together the following:

• 375 ml coconut water
• 125g dried unsweetened coconut flakes
• 1 tbsp unsweetened almond butter
• 2-3 dates, pitted (depending on how sweet you like things. I use 2).
• 1 tsp vanilla extract (omit if using vanilla protein powder)
• pinch sea salt
• 2 heaped tbsp protein powder (optional)
• 1 tbsp ground flaxseed (optional)

Kitchen Song of the Day – Milkshake – Kelis (Tasty) – what else?